do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize