My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
