No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize