one might say we're banned from that church
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
