What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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