laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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