I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
