ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
