I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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