I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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