wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
