it was like eating out sand paper
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
