Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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