If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
