I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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