Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
