We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just pee around me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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