I'm pants shitting drunk right now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
