he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
