I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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