my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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