I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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