Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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