dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
