Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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