im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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