I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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