now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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