we have officially lost it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
