just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
