she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
