I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
