I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
