You really coming over, don't trick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
