I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize