I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
