look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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