my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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