I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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