My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
