my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
