Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
