Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
