Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
