At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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