Don't make out with my wife yet
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
