I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
