i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
