Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
