the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
