well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
