I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
