I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
