why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize