my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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