I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My dick has a subreddit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
