his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
