between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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