She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
