Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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