getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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