rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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