my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
