that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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