Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
