He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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