JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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