What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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