Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
